The illustrations shown above, by Istanbul based photographer Mike Mike, are composites of many faces of Portuguese men and women. I have posted them here to illustrate the point that we often project our own self-image on to those we love.

One of my main projects this year, about which I have not blogged before, is a book about love. I am interested in looking at the role that love plays throughout the entire human lifecycle -- from before conception until after death. My goal is to integrate the existing scientific literature on this subject (which is vast indeed) with an approach that includes the variety of ethno-historical and spiritual traditions that deal with love (an even greater body of literature). Obviously, this is a huge project -- one that will take years to complete (if I am lucky enough to complete it at all).

Today, it occurred to me that one way to make progress in this endeavor would be to use my blog as a way to capture the various little jewels of insight that come to me as I engage in this research. 

So, I thought I would start with a fascinating scientific article from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2007, Vol. 92, No. 5, 834–853) that I have been reading today titled, "Projection of Responsiveness to Needs and the Construction of Satisfying Communal Relationships." The authors of this article are Edward P. Lemay, Jr., Margaret S. Clark and Brooke C. Feeney.

This article reports on extensive research in which individuals reported on the degree to which they exhibited caring behaviors toward their partners and the degree to which they believed that their partners reciprocated. This is a core measurement -- because our entire sense of well-being is very closely related to how we perceive ourselves in caring relationships.

Common sense, based on the assumption that people are essentially realistic, would lead us to believe that there would be a high correlation the degree of caring that one perceived in one's partner and the amount of caring behavior that one's partner reported about himself or herself. 

In fact, this correlation was seen in the date -- however, it was surprisingly weak. A much stronger correlation existed between the degree of caring people perceived in themselves toward their partner and the amount of caring behavior that they perceived coming from their partner. In other words, we tend to project our own self-image on to our partners (with regard to the sense of caring and emotional support) more than we actually see our partners as they see themselves.

To me this is an astounding piece of data! It indicates that it is far easier for us to make assumptions about our partners through the lens of our own personality than it is to enter directly into the realm of their own inner experience. In so doing, we preserve our sense of emotional security (if we believe ourselves to be highly caring) or we reduce our sense of guilt (if we believe ourselves to be relatively uncaring toward our partner). So the Freudian defense mechanism of psychological projection certainly serves a function in maintaining our own emotional equilibrium.

On the other hand, think of the costs and the lost opportunities that come when two people live together on a communal basis (whether or not romance is involved) -- and fail to really appreciate each other's inner life. I find it very ironic that this should be the norm. But, perhaps, it also helps to explain the divorce rate and many other social problems we experience. 

It makes me wonder how many of us are actually using this psychological projection mechanism to protect ourselves from the experience of inner loneliness.

After all, short of telepathy, how do we really enter into the experience of another human being -- even someone with whom we are intimate? I know that long conversations can help. Shared experiences of an intense nature also can help. But, they can't take us all the way. And, as for telepathy, my best guess is that it is a natural human function available to all of us -- but it is quite delicate. A psychological defense mechanism such as projection can surely interfere with telepathy.

Jeff Mishlove's Blog Index

Typical male behaviors. Testosterone is an androgen steroid, found in both men and women. However, it is generally considered to be the primary hormone associated with male sexual characteristics and typical male behaviors. A wide range of experimental studies associate increased testosterone levels with enhanced aggression, dominance, status seeking, sexual interest and risk-taking behaviors.[1] [2]

Athletic achievement. Prenatal testosterone levels also correlate positively with athletic achievement in both men and women.[3]

Handgrip strength. One measure of testosterone levels in the blood is handgrip strength. In males, handgrip strength correlates positively strongly with age at first sexual intercourse and levels of sexual promiscuity.[4]

Entrepreneurship. Higher levels of testosterone are also found in entrepreneurs and individuals who create new ventures.[5]

Mental errors. High levels of testosterone are also associated with a greater propensity to make mental errors in men.[6]

Male-female interactions. Testosterone levels are known to rise in young men when exposed to interactions with young women.[7]

Treatment of sex offenders. Some research suggests that sexual offenders be treated by therapies that lower their testosterone levels.[8]

Marriage and competitive behaviors. Testosterone seems to be involved in male behaviors associated with competing for mates. And, it is known that testosterone levels drop significantly in men following marriage. One study of male tennis players showed that their performance declined significantly in the first year after marriage -- when compared to unmarried tennis players of the same age. The researchers attributed this change to fluctuating testosterone levels.[9]

Aging. Testosterone levels are known to decline significantly with aging.[10] It is also known that testosterone levels drop significantly as a result of fatherhood.[11]

Married men who report having cheated on their partners, or even have considered doing so, are shown to have testosterone levels comparable to those of single men.

One fascinating finding is that testosterone levels increase in men who have experienced significant social success. I often wonder if this relationship does not go far in explaining the sexual promiscuity of certain successful politicians.

The erotic picture shown above is from the medieval tantric hindu temple in the village of Khajuraho, in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh 

The male orgasm has an obvious evolutionary adaptation in that an orgasm is necessary for conception and reproduction. Any physical or psychological traits that increase a mans probability for intercourse could be passed to future generations and proliferate throughout the population over time. The female orgasm however has no such obvious evolutionary adoption in that it is not necessary for conception, and the probability of orgasm in woman varies with circumstances.

Sexual practices and occurrence of orgasm. In a national survey of over 19,000 Australians, it was discovered that men had an orgasm in 95% of sexual encounters and women in 69%. Women were more likely to reach orgasm in encounters that included manual stimulation of the genitals and, especially, cunnilingus.[1]

Orgasm and women's relationship quality. The frequency of penile-vaginal intercourse, and corresponding orgasm rates, correlates positively with perceived relationship quality in women. The dimensions of perceived relationship quality included satisfaction, intimacy, trust, passion, love and global relationship quality. Non-coital sexual behaviors with a partner were uncorrelated with perceived relationship quality.[2] 

Emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure. 3,432 heterosexual adults (aged 18-59 yrs) provided information concerning emotional satisfaction, physical pleasure, background characteristics, and sexual behavior, attitudes, and tastes. Results show that married or cohabiting Ss reported significantly more sexual emotional satisfaction and higher levels of physical satisfaction than did single Ss. Emotional satisfaction with sex for both partners was associated with more sex, sexual exclusivity, and female Ss' orgasm frequency. Findings suggest that relationship time horizon and sexual exclusivity are more strongly associated with emotional satisfaction than with physical pleasure, but sexual behavior is similarly associated with both emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure.[3]

Female orgasm and male attractiveness. Women mated to more attractive men reported an orgasm during a greater proportion of copulations than did women mated to less attractive men.[4]

Body concerns and sexual pleasure. Body concerns and body shame negatively affect sexual pleasure and promote sexual problems for both men and women.[5]

Subconscious associations to sex. At the non-conscious level, woman associate sex with submission. These associations, however, reduce subjective arousability and even impair ability to reach orgasm among women.[6]

Genetic and environmental influences. In a study of over 3000 Australian, female twins, it was determined that, overall, genetic influences account for approximately 31% of the variance of frequency of orgasm during sexual intercourse, 37% of the variance of frequency of orgasm during sexual contact other than during intercourse, and 51% of the variance of frequency of orgasm during masturbation.[7]

Sociology of female orgasm. A survey of 202 Western women of reproductive age confirmed the hypothesis that orgasm is a strong motivational force that entices women to engage in sexual interactions. However, it was found that one-night stands are unlikely to result in orgasm and that women believed long-term sexual relationships to be much more likely to result in orgasm. This finding could explain why females are, generally, far less compelled to have one-night stands than males.[8]

Orgasm-induced prolactin secretion. The generation of orgasm by both self-masturbation and coitus produced pronounced increases in plasma prolactin (PRL) concentrations in peripheral circulation, in both males and females. These alterations remained elevated following termination of sexual stimulation. PRL remained significantly elevated 60 min following orgasm. Control Ss experiencing sexual arousal but not orgasm showed no changes of PRL levels, in either males or females. It is concluded that orgasm is followed by a pronounced and long-lasting secretion of PRL, regardless of the method of sexual stimulation.[9]

This is a very clear and important finding. Other hormones are not similarly effected by sexual orgasm. However, the role of plasma prolactin in the circulation is not well-understood.

Brain activation during orgasm. Studies of brain imaging in women indicate increased activation at orgasm, compared to pre-orgasm, in the paraventricular nucleus of the hypothalamus, periaqueductal gray of the midbrain, hippocampus, and the cerebellum.[10]

"Your lights are on, but you're not home

Your mind is not your own

Your heart sweats, your body shakes

Another kiss is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't eat

There's no doubt, you're in deep

Your throat is tight, you can't breathe

Another kiss is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough

You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

You see the signs, but you can't read

You're runnin' at a different speed

Your heart beats in double time

Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind

You can't be saved

Oblivion is all you crave

If there's some left for you

You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough

You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love

Your lights are on, but you're not home

Your will is not your own

You're heart sweats, your teeth grind

Another kiss and you'll be mine

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough

You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love"

                                     Addicted to Love, Robert Palmer

Much can be written concerning sexual addiction as a form of mental illness and deviance related to obsessive-compulsive disorder, to stalkers, to child abusers, to customers of prostitutes, and to those who engage in a variety of unsafe, promiscuous sex practices. It is not hard to see that such individuals have serious troubles relating to their own sexual drives. A number of specific disorders, related to sexual addiction, are well known in the field of psychopathology. Such discussion, however, masks the fact that conventional romantic (and sexual) relationships bear many hallmarks of addiction.

This idea is the over-arching theme of a book by psychologist Frank Tallis called Love Sick: Love as a Mental Illness. This theory of romantic relationships is quite consistent with such well-known folk maxims as “love is blind” or “all’s fair in love and war.” But, actually, quite a bit of scientific evidence now points in the same direction:

One study compared the brain activity of people looking at pictures of loved ones or at pictures of non-romantic friends. The pattern of activity in the cortex was markedly different depending on which type of face the subject was exposed to. FMRI scans of brains processing a romantic gaze bear a striking resemblance to … brain images of people under the influence of cocaine…. All of which suggests that the phrase "addicted to love" may be more than poetry.[1]

One finding is that the brain centers associated with addiction become flooded with a hormone called oxytocin. It has been hypothesized that this drug tends to reduce the tolerance that is normally associated with addictive substances – such that the addict constantly requires more and more. In this way, human love addictions (or attachments) can last longer.